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I am Very sick i have been for years  10 years ago i was in a head on collison i bbroke alot my bones when pain meds were cut off i then went to  untested kratom i was buying by the kilo from india then i used a unwashed poppy seed tea for 3 weeks and it burned up my GI tract giving me stomach infections and many serious health conditons since then i even ordered pills from online india or china that were unmarked and landed me in ER again . well now that i keep ttrying to quit and i go without its apparent that i have some kind of poison in my brain and body still making me very ill . to the point of insomnia hallcuinatons manic just all the symptoms of lead or heavy metal toxic. i dont know how to go get help with the covid 19 virus i already went to hostipal and doctors told them the truth and begged for help over 40 times  before the virus hit . i know i am very weak and if i catch covid it will kill me . i want to leave this for y family and friends Please be happy i am sorry the life i lived and the mistakes i made i lost control very young and i dont know why i kept on hurting myself and others the suffering is too much i cannot take it . when i die please i just need to make sure my dog BUDDY the amazing boston terrier is taken care of  he is to goto my mom and god forbid is somthing happens to her he is togo to my unclematts family if they will take him ., if not my brother Elias ii trust you but please be careful as he has luxation patella and cannot play to hard always a leash and has to be retrained to not go out a door or hurt himself and alwasy to be put in a cage when leaving the home, there is money for his care please let him live a natural long life tell he is old and gray and then be with him to the end please family this is my only wish

i am so very sick and afraid to even goto the hostipal if i go in i may not come out but i need medical attention so bad and everything is backed up and keeps getting worse god please help us all, to my brother and sister i love you guys so much i am sorry for everything i dont have all the words to say how i feel just know i will always be with you and i did this to myself, i cannot suffer anymore. mom your the best and you try so hard to take care me you sacraficed everything so many times and so much stress  your my rock i love you mom, i will  be with you forever please forgive me and just hold my buddy forever never let him go . dont be sad i suffered too much , yaba your the best dad ever i am so so so sorry that i did all these crazy things and didnt become the business  man that you are you are a badass yaba stay strong and help the mom and every one make it through this, please give my family some help if they need as far as selling my grow equiptment or moral support,my Fire squad boys your the best guys  i love you guys and you kept me going so long i just made mistakes  there was just a few big decisions i made wrong but they cost me everything. stay up growmies your the best friends i ever had and your support in my life means the world if i die ill be with thomas j street and subcool and think about me with every doink love you guys.  i left my moms info and lan line number with meeseeks and ted if you wish to get ahold of my family. my seeds and all my stuff can goto my family to sell off if they can . these metal problems mental decline and physical decline is so bad and i am just getting weaker every day with no sleep i am gonna try to not goto a hostipal but i dont know how long tell ill have to call a ambulance or get to a hospital i dont know what todo and i am at the end of my rope . i just love my family my friends and most of all the best thing i ever did get my boy Buddy i love you buddy  so much your my rock i should have only spent all my energy with you and never tried these herbal teas and fake pills that ruiend my body and mind  you deserve the world and more, my mom will take great care of you she loves you as much as i do i know you will always be looking out that door for me i am so sorry boy i love you forevever , if i do do pass i want all the cheapest funeral processes and tombstones i just ask put a picture of buddy in with me somplace so he is with me always .  please help my family if i pass they may not be super receptive but the right people it will be ok . i hope i can get better and come out of this if i can make it to monday i have a consult with a chealation clinic but i may be to weak togo through the therapy  and its a dangerous therapy by itself let alone with covid 19 out there ready to kill , my underlying illlnessess are very bad and vast.  I just love my dog buddy so much and my family friends  you all must stay healthy for me and strong life is shorter then i though i always though i would die yound so i lived a crazy life and i regret it all the only great times was working with my dad making it great , being with my firesquad friends and subcool doing the weednerd shows and being the day i got buddy and on  i was in love i cannot believe i got distracted and used these herbals and ignored him because i became so ill he didnt deserve that every night i am rolling so much in pain he has to be in his cage next to me and he does not sleep he stays awake listening to me and worried its very stressful . i cannot take it anymore but i do not want  to leave him god help me and help us all. i am so tired i know i have so much more to say but i cannot think. Just know i am happy and if i pass my suffering ends and i want my life celebrated never feel sad i did this to myself by mistake and my mom and family tried so hard to get my healthy i love them all for it my friends to thank you soo much i am off everything but i feel so ill i dont know what will happen so i have to write this all somplace. this is a crazy time that when your sick your afraid to go to a hostipal and if i do go i could get a virus and die faster i just cannnot believe over th last 2 years i could not recieve the correct medical attention i was just looked at as a drug seeker , i made the  wrong decisions , love you so much buddy take care mom  and mom take care buddy my brother and sister you guys are so smart and amazing  keep pushing and being your amazing selfs i am proud  of you all so much. I AM REALLY PROUD OF ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY i could not have had it better. 

in jesus name i pray for us all amen. 

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Thomas J Street was a member our fire Squad who passed from cancer this strain is dedicated to him and his amazing soul RIP Thomas we will never forget!

Subcool was my inspiration and Much more ,the whole community will miss & love you forever RIP Subcool

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